Empathy As An Excuse
'Cause all of my kindness Is taken for weakness (Because It’s Fear not Kindness)
My mom’s father never graduated college, I’m not certain he even graduated high school. If I remember right he used his thumb print, as he never learned to sign his name.
But he worked hard, harder than anyone I know. He worked as a clerk carrying around things in an office, he worked hard in the forest to sell fruits etc etc.
Stories of parents skipping meals to provide for their kids is a story about my grandfather.
He sent every one of his kids not only to college but multiple got PhDs, 3 became professors.
My mom even got awarded a best teacher award from the President of India thanks to the foundation that my grandfather placed.
He literally pulled himself from his bootstraps.
Education was the way out for them all. Formal education (first being a student & then the teacher) got my mom to where she was.
Now, most of you will remember that almost a decade ago at 18 I dropped out of college to travel the world. It was an ‘obvious’ to me.
When I did, it very quickly became clear to me that my mom’s fear would be that I’d end up struggling like her father.
Without formal education I’d have to work as hard as he did. So it’s understandable why she had the belief she did.
Many of you probably have friends or family that think that way too.
I describe it best as “To someone in flatland, moving along a helix and in a circle looks like the same thing”
She thought I would struggle (without formal education) like her father did, because that’s the only “world” she has ever lived in/ever known.
“The empire long united must divide, long divided must unite; this is how it has always been.” ― Luo Guanzhong
If there’s a generation where some is the “first” to go to university for a better life, eventually there has to be a generation where someone has to be the “first” not to go to university for a better life.
Now to the point of this article:
1. Most people rarely hold the idea in their minds that people can have different perspectives compared to them. So whenever someone highlights different POVs it is actually a big deal in the sense that people highlight stories like above as a reason why “it’s okay”.
r/asianfamilyproblems would actually tell people ‘see this is where you family is coming from’ as a reason to ‘just get the degree bro and be free later’
2. I think the above logic is stupid. I completely understand where people come from (like my mom) but I don’t believe I should ever use that as an excuse from just doing the “obvious thing” which for me was dropping out of college.
Being empathetic doesn’t mean accommodating false or wrong beliefs. Especially when it’s just an excuse for you not doing the hard it.
In a phase “Stop using your parents/family/culture trauma as an excuse, it’s their trauma not yours and you don’t have to carry it if you don’t want to. It’s a choice.”
Knowing what the right thing to do doesn’t matter if there’s no action, in fact it’s carries negative value cause it’ll bring regret or resentment.
So if you don’t act on what is true, irrespective of opinions of others, the idea “ignorance is bliss” is true.
If you act, reality is more bliss than ignorance.
There’s a quote that’s popular on the internet:
"People who are brutally honest generally enjoy the brutality more than the honesty." - Richard Needham
I agree with the sentiment that people who are assholes under the guise of honestly are immature.
But just as immature are people who hide their cowardice under the guise of empathy. Using “understandable” to not do the hard thing.
Yes it’s understandable why my mom had the belief she does.
But it’s just as understandable is why I never accommodated it when I planned my own life.
Max pain is realizing that people have false beliefs, you know the it’s wrong and you have to actually sit and take bullshit seriously.
'Cause all of my kindness
Is taken for weakness
- FourFiveSeconds
(Because It’s fear not kindness)